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  “No, of course not.”

  She turned the little package over in her hands. “Don’t you like the colour I wear?”

  “What you wear is up to you, I thought you might like a change, I was wrong.”

  Bau joined in and cooed gently, “He didn’t know Amy, he didn’t mean anything by it. He just wanted to please you. Make you happy.”

  She unrolled, stuck her fleshy legs straight out and straightened her back against the well. Then came a deep deep sigh, almost as if she was expelling something from deep within her. She looked at Bau, “Tell him for me Bau, no secrets between us, no secrets.”

  Bau squatted on the floor. “Her uncle used to grope her. It started when she was thirteen, though he’d touched suggestively her before then. He used to creep up behind her when she was doing her homework, or at the sink, and put his hand down her bra. She didn’t know how to stop him and then a friend gave her a stick of cheap lipstick for her birthday. Amy used it on her nipples. Next time he groped her he got a handful of pink goo. She thought she’d won, but he bought her a non-smear lipstick and made her use it. After that he’d grope her at will. He only stopped when she became seventeen and slapped him across the face. Following that she reverted to the cheap stuff and has used it ever since.”

  Brian groaned, “Oh Amy, I’m so so sorry. I didn’t know. If I have I would never have bought you such a present. Please forgive me.”

  She turned the lipstick over in her hands like some sort of talisman. “I thought you might grope me,” she said simply, “when you walked behind me in the kitchen. But you didn’t. That’s why I knew I was safe with you.”

  What he’d done by giving her the lipstick appalled him. He rubbed her arm; “I’d never do anything to you against your will. Nor to Bau, I’m not like that”.

  She nodded, “I know, it just came as a bit of a shock. It’s what my uncle did, leave it on my bedside cabinet with a little note and steal my own lipstick.”

  Brian saw a glimmer of light. “But I didn’t steal your lipstick.”

  Her eyes flicked to her dressing table and back. “No you didn’t.”

  Brian gave her a reassuring smile, “We’ll take it back to the shop and you can change it tomorrow.”

  Her chubby hand gripped the lipstick like a vice. “No it’s all right, I’ll keep it.”

  She gazed into his eyes, “It’s a present from you,” she stated as if that was an end to the subject. He opened his mouth, but Bau interceded, “You sure Amy? He got me some perfume and if you want to swap…”

  Amy swivelled her eyes and her face was transformed by a wide smile, “No, definitely not. He gave it to me, for me and for use by me, I’d never give it up; it’s special.”

  Brian sighed with relief, that was before he started to wonder what else he might accidentally do to trigger her off. After all he’d just promised Verity to look after her and then nearly driven her into a mental black abyss. Amy rolled over and stood up as if nothing had happened. “Better start dinner,” she said, “A woman’s work is never done.”

  She walked out of the bedroom. Brian and Bau both noticed that she pushed the lipstick firmly into her pocket as she left. She indeed was not going to give it up.

  They followed her downstairs. She went into the kitchen and picked up a saucepan stood stock still. She turned to Bau, “Would you mind cooking this evening, I don’t seem to be able to think properly.”

  Bau took the saucepan from her. “Of course not. I need to work on my culinary skills.”

  Bau glanced at Brian. “Brian, why don’t you take Amy for a walk. Dinner will be in one hour. Try the walk to the river, Amy likes that.”

  Dutifully Brian led Amy outside and towards the footpath to the river. Halfway across the garden she took hold of his hand. They walked, hand-in-hand in silence till they came to the river where Amy, without warning, sat down in the grass. Brian sat next to her. He let go of her hand and put his arm round her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she said despondently. “I did try, I knew the black pit was there and I tried to think of other things, anything but what the lipstick might mean. I knew you didn’t mean any harm, but all of a sudden the thought came back to me and the next thing I know is I’m on the floor and you and Bau are talking to me. As I said sometimes the pit leaps out and overwhelms me.”

  He pulled her close to him. “It’s me who should be sorry Amy. Sorry for causing you harm. Believe me when I say I will never intend to cause you any harm. I might put my foot in it. I might stir up things within you I never intended. I might be a fool, but set out to cause you harm or humiliate you, never.”

  She turned her pair of wide hazel eyes onto him and said softly, “I’ll hold onto that thought. Next time I see the pit coming, I’ll hold onto that thought.”

  She pulled the lipstick out of her pocket. “There were good thoughts behind this, not bad thoughts. That makes all the difference doesn’t it?”

  “I guess it does.”

  She put it on the grass beside her and turned her face towards him. Ever so slowly she moved it closer to his and gently kissed him. “That’s a thank you.”

  She freed herself from his grasp and lay back. “Am I an embarrassment to you?” She asked over casually.

  “Of course not,” said Brian wondering where this was leading.

  “I’m an embarrassment to my gran,” she stated flatly.

  Brian went to reply and realised that she was asleep. He took out his handkerchief and rubbed her lipstick off of his lips. She was unpredictable, mentally vulnerable and precariously balanced between normality and neurosis, but she was beginning to grow on him.

  “So the job’s mine as long as I can get the parish here to agree,” finished Brian as he surveyed the charcoal around the edge of the pie Bau was about to finish dishing out.

  “Do they have to?” Asked Bau.

  “Wouldn’t go unless they did, recipe for disaster if they didn’t.”

  Amy puckered her lips, “How,” she asked firmly, “did you managed to burn the outside while leaving the middle uncooked?”

  Bau looked at Brian, “Give me a guitar and I’ll give you a chord, give me a kitchen and I’ll give you food poisoning.”

  “Not your forte then.”

  “Definitely not, that’s Amy’s department.”

  Amy reached out and scooped up all the plates. Brian tried to grab his. “Hey I’ve not even started.”

  “Well you’ve finished, “she stated, “You’re taking us all out for fish and chips.”

  Brian glanced at the clock. “How about Fish and Chips and a film?”

  “Ooh,” exclaimed Amy, “I’ve never been taken to the pictures by a man.”

  “Mmm,” exclaimed Bau, “I’ve not seen a film for years.”

  Brian relaxed and hoped that life was back on an even keel, that is as even as it could be with two women both of whom he was growing fonder of by the minute.

  Chapter 10

  Choices

  “It was the talking donkey,” said Amy. “When it’s front feet did the Irish jig while its rear ones did a flamenco dance I nearly cried.”

  “The skateboarding rhinoceros,” said Brian, “brilliant animation.”

  “Soundtrack,” added Bau, “absolutely wonderful the way it merged with the animation and yet flowed naturally.”

  Brian shut the front door and they all headed for the kitchen. Amy made some hot chocolate and handed it around as they still talked about the film. She cupped her mug in her hands. “Think I’ll go up now, bit tired.”

  She crossed the kitchen and kissed Brian on the forehead, “Thanks for a wonderful evening.”

  She left and Bau moved over to Brian and sat on his lap. With her thumbs she removed the lipstick mark from his forehead. “That leaves just us.” She purred, before giving him a kiss. She kisses him a number of times with comments in-between. “Excellent choice of film.” Kiss. “Lovely creamy ice-cream in the break.” Kiss. “Fish and chips while looking over the countr
yside.” Kiss. “Wonderful man giving his women a wonderful night out.” Kiss.

  She sat back and picked up her mug and took a tentative sip. “Good for Amy too.”

  She put her mug down and gave him a long passionate kiss before standing up and picking up her mug of hot chocolate. “Goodnight gorgeous, see you in the morning.”

  She left and he understood the coded message: see you in the morning so no repeat of last night. He felt vaguely disappointed that her would not feel her body against his again, vaguely relieved that he would not be doing something he shouldn’t and vaguely perplexed as to what was happening. However, that was par for the course, not understanding what was happening. Bau was attractive and he still couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, on the other hand Amy was bonny in an all together different sort of way. Sitting between them at the cinema he’d known that he could have been happy with either of them. It was having both of them that were the problem.

  It was the smell that woke him up. It eased him out of a deep sleep by some primaeval instinct yelling inside his brain that something was different. Once awake he recognised the smell and turned the bedside light on. Amy was standing against the closed-door stark naked and very still. “Amy,” he said sleepily, “What are you doing here?”

  “Listening to you snore.”

  “I don’t snore.”

  “You do, it’s like pigs snuffling in a trough.”

  Her myopic eyes gazed in his direction. “I was frightened and knew if I came in here I’d be safe.”

  He carefully eased himself up the camp bed; it was not the most rigid of structures. “Frightened? What of?”

  “Nothing, Everything. Of falling into a black hole and never emerging. But I’m safe with you, you’ve got big hands.”

  None of this was making sense. “Did this afternoon frighten you?”

  She nodded, “I remember trying very hard not to think of the lipstick and think of things that were nice, especially flowers. I try to concentrate of a particular flower, to picture its form and remember its details. But the thought came back and the next thing I knew I was on the floor talking to you and Bau.”

  Brian said softly and carefully, “You did really well, you climbed out of the hole yourself.”

  She gazed at him with wide eyes and he wondered if she was so short sighted she couldn’t actually see him. A smile slowly spread across her face. “I did, didn’t I? If I’d been at home gran would have fed me sedatives for a week and I would have had to endure the pain of not being able to think at all.”

  She suddenly rubbed her hand on her breast and then showed the palm to Brian. “See non-smear, so I must be improving.”

  She gave a sort of hiccup-laden giggle, “Want to try?”

  Brian was not going to get caught again. “Not at the moment.”

  He watched her standing still and looking vulnerable, wondering what was going on in her mind. “Have you thought of going in to Bau, she’d keep you safe.”

  She nodded, “Yes, but you’ve got bigger hands, so I’m safer with you.”

  There was no logic here, at least no logic Brain could follow. She gazed in his direction and spoke in a plaintive childlike voice. “I need a hug, will you give me a hug Brian, just a little one.”

  Against his better judgement he carefully climbed out of bed, crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her. Almost immediately she wrapped her arms around him and their bodies seemed to naturally meld. She whispered, “I don’t want to go back to hospital Brian, I’m frightened that I’ll go back to that hospital and never come out.”

  It was patently obvious that the little episode of the afternoon had unsettled her more than either he or Bau had thought. He gently hugged her and whispered back, “You’re safe with us Amy. I would never let you go to hospital unless there was no alternative for your own safety. I can’t promise that you won’t ever get another wobbly, but I can promise that we’ll be here for you. Making sure that pit doesn’t get you.”

  “You won’t feed me sedatives?”

  “Not unless there is no alternative, I’d try everything else first.”

  “Hate sedatives,” she murmured, “they give me the trembles.”

  She let go and gently pushed him away, looking down at his groin. “Sorry Amy,” he said shyly, “natural physiology. Hugging a naked female and all that.”

  She grinned and pointed to her lipstick-covered nipples, “unnatural tendencies that’s what my doctor says.”

  The grin disappeared. “Do I embarrass you Brian?”

  “Not in the least.”

  She stood looking forlorn; “Will you hug me again? I feel safe when you hug me.”

  Once again their bodies met in a mutual hug. “I’m sorry if I embarrass you,” she mumbled. “I can’t help it. Doctor says I’ve got a dislocation in my brain. Don’t mean to embarrass you.”

  He knew that her rambles meant something, but he had no idea what was going on in her head, but knew that whatever it was it was important. He gave her a gentle squeeze. “You don’t embarrass me Amy. You are what you are and I like you as you are. Of course I’d like you to feel better and not be frightened or confused, but I wouldn’t want you ever to feel that you embarrass me.”

  “You like me as I am?”

  “Yes.”

  “Even with breasts the size of footballs.”

  “Yes.”

  “With a bum that could feed a nation for a week?”

  “Yes.”

  “With a nose so big I could use it as a snorkel?”

  He chuckled, “Yes. I’ve told you before it’s your inner personality.”

  She sniffed, “I embarrass everybody else.”

  “You don’t embarrass Bau.”

  He felt her nod and indescribably he felt her body change from forlorn flesh to reactive body. She moved her hands up his back to behind his head, and gave him a long passionate kiss before stepping back. “Thank you Brian, I’m all right now. I just needed to know.”

  She didn’t say what she needed to know. She licked her lips; “Can I come again if I’m frightened?”

  “Of course.”

  She slipped out of the door and Brian sat down on his bed all of a tremble. He knew that given five minutes of her in kissing and hugging form he might not be able to control himself. It was both a frightening and exiting prospect.

  After waking around the normal time, Brian decided on a shower and went upstairs to the large shower room. He’d just about got the water temperature right and soaped himself when the shower door opened and Bau, condom in hand, walked in. It proved to be a long and rewarding mutual shower-time.

  When he got down for breakfast Amy, as usual, was making toast. She glanced up at him. “Would you like a fry-up?”

  “No thanks, trying to cut down on the cholesterol.”

  He wondered about remarking over her attire, but decided that discretion was the better part of valour. Bau turned over the pages of the morning paper. “Seems out Judge Ruth Kenton-Harris is going through the list of cases involving Dr Georgette Harris like a minor whirlwind.”

  “And?”

  “And so far she’s only sent three out of nine to retrial.”

  She added casually, “There’s another nine cases on the list and I’m probably last.”

  She flicked a glance at Amy and passed the paper to Brian the subject obviously closed. Amy sighed, “I’m not a child you know. I do understand.”

  Bau cooed gently, “I know Amy, but why upset ourselves over idle speculation.”

  Amy seemed to accept this and buttered a second piece of toast, added a smear of honey and dropped it on Bau’s plate. Bau didn’t argue, but picked it up and started nibbling.”

  Brian watched her. “Want me to find you a dentist?”

  “No thanks, last thing I need is a dental plate rammed down my throat, I’m happy to cope, I’m used to it now. In fact having front teeth would be funny.”

  Amy snorted, “Well how about an auralogist?”<
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  “A what?” said Brian.

  “An auralogist – she needs her ears looked at.”

  “Is that what they’re called?”

  “It’s what Amy calls them,” stated Bau, “and if I need to I will.”

  Brian was mystified, “Do you have ear trouble?”

  Amy snorted again, “She’s half-deaf. It’s all that playing in front of those huge sound systems without any earplugs.”

  Brian opened his mouth and Bau held up her hand, “Please, no more discussion about my faculties, not now, maybe later.”

  Brian knew when to back off, so he changed the subject. “I’ve got a couple of houses to look at this morning, fancy a look-see with me. Fancy some feminine intuition.”

  “Yes,” they chorused together.

  Bau gave Amy a sweet smile, “In that case Amy it might be best if you put some clothes on.”

  She looked at her body as if seeing for the first time that she was only wearing bra and pants. “Oh,” she giggled, before running upstairs.

  When she was out of earshot Brian remarked quietly, “I think yesterday rattled her more than we think.”

  “Ripples, “said Bau, “yesterday we saw the splash, today we see the ripples. Just nudge her along to cope with them and she’ll be OK.”

  Feeling terribly guilty he glanced at the door, “Any other areas I should avoid?”

  Bau puckered her lips. “Her stammer. Don’t remark on it and don’t ever say the word she’s having trouble with. Verity used to correct her all the time and tell her not to speak in shops if she was going to be an embarrassment.”

  “I’d forgotten she stammers occasionally.”

  “That’s because she likes you and feels safe with you.”

  Brian glanced at the door again. He said casually, “Once we’ve been to see these houses I wouldn’t mind going into Bury or Ipswich.” He paused watching her closely; “I’d like to buy a ring.”

  Bau left her chair and sat on his lap draping her arms around his neck. “What sort of ring?”